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DarkPony967

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Hello everyone! How have you guys been? Im reaching the point of acceptance that ill just hardly ever be on here any more. Moving out of my parents house, moving half way across the country, and just being an adult is exhausting. i applaud those who do all this but still manage to have time to make so many cool things and keep posts updated. I even have a hard time with this on my Etsy and Facebook Page. Still, I want to try and be on at least a couple times a year, and still stay in my crafts. It's been hard and discouraging when i hardly get sales or even recognition. 

So, I'm asking you guys out there for help. what kind of clay charms/sculptures are people interested in any more? ive lost focus and dont know where to start. Thank you for any suggestions.
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So many people sell prints, and I have pictures that I have ideas for, but I have so many doubts and have no idea on how to even "make" a print. Should I try? Not bother since there's enough people that sell prints? Not good enough? Good enough? 
I think most of my prints would be more "realistic" or just abstract; Not many characters. (I suck at drawing people.. >.< lol)
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I'm so weak.

3 min read
If you dont like depressing stuff, id leave now.. if you surprisingly clicked on this with that title..

Im just a huge mess right now.. i didnt feel it at first, and i thought i was doing pretty good.. but. im not. darkness has surrounded itself to me. i tried so hard to keep it away.. i know i have depression and ive had it for maybe 5 years now that ive noticed and been prominent.. (wow really? 5 years already?) its not as bad as others since i was able to get control and manage it without having to go to a doctor or anything. My mom is a mental health nurse, so theres no way i could ever tell her. not to mention i deeply despise the idea to use medicine to make you feel an artificial happiness.. I used to be so bad that i would hear voices, mumbling, not knowing what they say. sometimes theyd call out my name. they would even use familiar voices, making me think my parents or someone was calling for me. i pushed everyone away. i ate just enough to keep me going. 

I need to pretend im strong.. and happy.. every time ive seen my friends, ive shown nothing is wrong and that im fine the way things are right now... im not.. im really not. and im scared to tell my best friend why i might/want to leave soon, because i dont want to break down crying infront of her.. i dont want her, or anyone, to have to worry about me.

Even though i have friends.. i feel so lonely.. so empty. the voices are coming back and ive been losing more and more sleep. toss and turn in my bed for hours until i finally pass out. i dont have anything exept for 1-2 cups of coffee in the morning until 2 or 3, then dinner. after being so happy for so long, i dont know how long i can take this. i feel so useless in my home and i have a job that doesnt want to give me hours. even with going to see friends im home and essentially alone way too much for my well being.. even with keeping busy for getting things made for my towns festival at the end of july isnt good enough. im losing my mind. the past couple days ive just been on the verge of crying all day. i miss my boyfriend. i miss the good and healthy habits i had. i want a job to actually go to and get a good paycheck for.. ill miss my friends a shit ton.. but i just cant stand being here.. i feel like im just wasting time. i came up to do school... but i now realize its pointless since being online, ill just fail them again anyway.. i want to leave. i want to actually be of help to my boyfriend for us to get that house and things we need for it. im tired of being useless and only doing things for myself. i want to feel like theres actually a point to my existence... 

I want this to end. i want to be happy again..
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One thing I hate about being nerdy and going to cons is I want to cosplay WAYY too many different people... Not in any particular order, just a list of characters I would LOVE to dress as. Of course most of them tend to be from League of Legends.. lol.
1. Gnar (League of Legends/LoL)
2. Lux (LoL)
3. Vash (Trigun)
4. Happy (Fairy Tail)
5. Metalhead (Jak 2 / 3)
6. Beerus (DBZ Battle of Gods)
7. Caitlyn (LoL)
8. Ziggs (LoL)
9. Moxxi (Borderlands)
10. Endergirl (Minecraft)
11. Ezreal (LoL)
12. Goku (DBZ)
13. Lilith (Borderlands)
14. Jak (Jak 2 vers.)
15. Skyrim
16. Ashe (LoL)
17. Inyori (Guilty Crown)
18. Iwasawa (Angel Beats)
19. Laura Croft (Tomb Raider)
20. Fluttershy (MLP:FIM)
21. Rin Kagame - Luvoratory (Vocaloid)
22. Rengar (LoL)
23. Annie (LoL) With boyfriend as Tibbers :3
24. Companion Cube (Portal)
25. Psycho (Borderlands)
26. Abyssals/enemy ships (Kantai Collection)

I think I'll just leave it at this.. lol XD
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My month of being away from home and crafting things are coming to a close. :( I'm returning next week, and it's good and bad for me. The good: I'll be able to make things again, be able to hang out with my friends (even tho its really only 2 or 3.. ;~; ), see my precious animals, and be back to work to earn a tiny bit of mullah. Money n Coins The bad: For the fact of my boyfriend coming down here for work he's staying, and I'm going back up because of stupid college, which will be 5 months before I can come back down south. :(


In the end it will all be worth it though for the fact that all of this is for him to get money to buy a house and he'll have it by time i come back down for us to live together.Emote Cuddle Love  I can't wait and it makes me all excited to get a full start on life with the person I would do anything for! :3

On a side note, I was going to attempt to join artist alley at Jafax (animecon) this year, but bad news came.. They grew too big for their venue, so they're trying  to find a new venue, but because of all of the things that are included in finding a new venue, they had to cancel for this year.. I'm not sure weather to try one of the animecons that will be in August or not, for that would be the time I can leave again.
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Featured

Long Time No See! by DarkPony967, journal

Prints? How do I/Should I? by DarkPony967, journal

I'm so weak. by DarkPony967, journal

Too Many Cosplays!! x~x by DarkPony967, journal

More Posts Coming Soon!! (+Good and Bad Things) by DarkPony967, journal